The Marriage of Mark Kassis & Terry Lowman

September 2, 2007 – Ames, Iowa

The Reverend Brian Eslinger's remarks during the marriage ceremony:

"Terry and Mark, today you join in marriage after 30 years. I’ve heard of long engagements but …

"This marriage comes more in the middle, rather than at the beginning. Long ago, you decided to stay together for better or worse, you’ve already lived together through sickness and health, for richer and poorer, and intend this relationship to be until death do you part. So today is a chance to acknowledge your relationship, to proclaim your love, to have what is right and good and fair in the life of a committed couple.

"This is a chance to celebrate the creativity that your love brought into your lives. Together you’ve created a home, you’ve created a family and a business. Together you’ve been an integral part of the community, bringing happiness into so many people’s lives. In an odd way, there is an honesty to marrying after 30 years together. That desire to fix characteristics in the other in younger years has been replaced by an acceptance of the person who sits by you, a knowledge that you love this whole person and that it’s all those characteristics that you love. So today we witness the joy that is in your relationship, and we bless this love as not only worthy of – but as – a marriage, and not just a marriage of metaphor but one of legal standing.

"Mark and Terry, this wedding is a personal moment for you. It’s a long-waited-for affirmation and celebration, not a political statement. Yet, as Terry said to me, the personal and the political are not separate, they are entwined. The action we take today is one that changes the political landscape of our nation and again shifts us toward greater freedom and equality for all people. As Judge [Scott] Rosenberg said when he granted the waiver for the waiting period, he wasn’t doing anything special for you, he’d grant the waiver to any couple who asked. Today isn’t about special privileges; it’s about receiving fair treatment; it’s about a loving couple being treated just like anyone else who raises a family, shares a home, and wants to proclaim their love.

"This isn’t the first time in your lives that you’ve been in this position. As the first gay couple to legally adopt in the state of Iowa, as civic leaders who have always been honest about who you are, you’ve been in the forefront of this long, often-tortuous journey. As Mark told me, what you do today – yes, it’s for you, but it’s also for those young people who will gain the right to marry because we stand here today. And for both of you, there is a sense that this celebration isn’t just yours. There are many people in the room today, and those who have passed from this earth, who have stood with you as you’ve sought to change the world.

"This goes all the way back to Terry’s great-great grandparents, who moved to Iowa as the liberal West, in hopes of creating a place that was loving and accepting of everyone. Terry and Mark, you reflected on the many people who have stood with you over the decades, the Charlie Hammers and Susan Franzens who struggled for the inclusion of gays and lesbians in civil-rights laws and ordinances. The Roy Warmans who made sure this Fellowship was a place GLBT people were welcome, when others closed their doors. Gina Russell, whose bravery of youth in spite of great risk changed so many hearts and minds, and her mother, Carolyn Cutrona, who didn’t just stand by her daughter, but stood by every child. These are just a few names of the many in this community who you want to celebrate with you today. Everyone here who sees that rainbow flag and takes those colors into not just our hearts, but our actions, smiles with you today.

"As Terry said, the spiritual connection of this moment reminds him of the seven [Unitarian Universalist] principles – those ideals that express our honoring the worth and dignity of all, striving for justice and compassion, acceptance and encouragement no matter what our different paths might be, freedom to search the right of conscience and inclusion of all in the making of decisions, understanding we are a world community, and that interdependent web of all existence. That’s what your lives are about, changing the world for the better by your actions. And here today, while all of us stand with you, you are the ones leading. And you know that example matters. That was made crystal clear some 15 years ago when a young man left an envelope at the restaurant. In it was a letter explaining that he was gay and afraid, that at home his parents spoke disparagingly of the two gay men with the restaurant. But he knew that – if you two could make it – then there was hope for him. Today, you add to the hope for him and for us all by the power of your love and the strength of your commitment, to one another and to the communities in which you live and the planet on which you walk.

"Thank you for allowing us to be part of your lives, thank you for allowing us to be part of your day."

You may view Mark and Terry's pictures at www.onesmalldog.com. Once past the initial screen, click on clients in the lower right-hand corner and enter "30years" as the password. View their YouTube video at www.youtube.com/watch?v=7gFlI_XQAL0.